top of page

The Reality of Doubt

Hi!!! Sorry it has been so long since I last posted. I have been struggling on being motivated to write. I almost feel like if I write about it, it just makes it much more real.

Well so let me get you caught up since my last post! It was CD6 and I was feeling optimistic about doing yet another IUI (#4) with new medication. The side effects weren't as bad (score), I had a new found feeling of hope and faith and overall was just happy to "be". That feeling only continued, when it was time to go in for my ultrasound to check my uterine lining and follicle size, I was shocked to say the least!! My lining was the thickest it had ever been - 11.5mm- which they say doesn't help your chances but I was still happy. My follies were the largest they have ever been - 22.5mm, 20mm and 15mm. I was so happy that I literally started crying. I truly thought this was our cycle. Not only did we have the best numbers but we also had made sure to do our part [in the bedroom].

We did our 4th IUI on August 28, with 7 million active sperm (after wash). I was so optimistic. I took care of me, relaxed and just tried to stay patient for the next 2 weeks. Not knowing that my optimistism would take a nose dive shortly. On CD28 just like clock work, a familiar visitor showed up. I was devasted to say the least. Why isn't this working?

Well what I failed to tell you is that during my ultrasound appointment my doctor wanted to schedule an appointment to go over our options in the case that IUI#4 didn't work. Well that appointment was today! Trust me, I had no desire to go and hear what I have been fearing all this time, IVF would be the best option!

The appointment went well. I didn't really learn or hear anything that I hadn't already researched the crap out of. We talked about IVF and how it works. We talked about how my doctor doesn't like doing IUI's with injectables because there is a 50% chance that I would conceive with triplets which would be considered high risk. At the end of the appointment, my husband asked him what his professional recommendation would be for us. And surprisingly, he told us he would do 2 more IUI's and then go from there. So he sent me on my way with a new prescription of Femara to start tonight.

Remember my last post that talked about the war between hope and doubt. Well I am still living it. Will it work this time? Are we just wasting our money? Oh wait, how are we going to pay for this (newsflash - we are broke!) I am so torn - are we at the end of our rope? And it's not like we have a lot of time to figure it out, I need to start my medication tonight.

So not to leave you all in suspense like a sappy romantic movie or TV show - I need to do some major thinking and my husband and I need to talk it out. Ultimately, we will probably figure out how to do this yet again, but at this moment, I am unsure. If we do another cycle, I can only pray that I continue to get better and better numbers that will ultimately end in receiving the greatest miracle.

Please continue to pray for us - not just that we will conceive, but that we keep our faith, that we stay strong in our marriage and that we keep our strength and sanity. God Bless.


Meet the Couple 

Josh & Jessica's Story

Recent Posts
Search By Tags
No tags yet.

Subscribe for Updates

Congrats! You’re subscribed

bottom of page