Educating the fertile on the infertile
Ok, so I lied in my last post. I had said that I wasn't going to write anymore. Well I have been thinking a lot lately about this topic of educating the fertile. But before I go on, I want to give you an update on us.
Like I said in my last post, we were going through with another IUI (#3). So I did 50mg of Clomid - by the way taking it at night didn't help with the hot flashes - matter of fact they were worse this time around. They were so bad that I broke into tears at work during one. (don't ask). Anyways, I went in for my Day 12 ultrasound on July 29 - results were great - 9.5mm uterine lining, 3 follies (20.5mm, 13.5mm and 12.5mm) I was estatic with the 20.5mm, that is the largest follicle I have ever had. With it being that large, the doctor said that I was ready and I didn't need to wait an extra day (which is how the last 2 cycles went). So we went in on July 31, for our 3rd IUI with 17 million sperm at 34% motility. I was very nervous about the motility number being so low (the lowest yet) but the doctor didn't seem to be, so I guess that's good. So here I am, smack dab in the middle of my TWW. I can test on August 15. So we will see...
Okay, back to the real reason I am posting. There's no easy way to try and explain the emotions I am going through when someone who's never walked in your shoes begins to give you advice. Family, friends & acquaintances all have questions, comments and opinions.
One thing that people need to understand is when dealing with those who struggle with infertility, they have become more sensitive. This can be because of the additional hormones they are taking, the negative result at the end of a cycle and the pressure they put on themselves. And let's not forget the emotional toll is takes on our bodies and our bank accounts.
Here are some examples that I have witnessed throughout my TTC journey:
"You need to relax. All that stressing is causing your infertility."
Every day stress does not cause infertility. A large study of 3,000 women, from 10 different countries, found that high levels of emotional distress before a treatment cycle did not negatively affect the outcome. In other words, feeling stressed doesn't prevent your infertile friend from getting pregnant. You may also want to consider what came first - the stress or the infertility. Your infertile friend probably wasn't stressed out about getting pregnant until she discovered it wasn't happening the way it should.
"But you're so young! You have plenty of time to get pregnant."
Not always so. Being young doesn't make you immune to infertility, and time is not always on your side. While being younger usually increases the chances of fertilty treatment success, it doesn't always and it never guarantees success. Know the facts. It is recommended that women under 35 see a fertilty specialist after being unable to conceive for one year.
"Just adopt!"
Adoption can be a wonderful option for some couple, but it's not a decision that should be made lightly. Suggesting adoption in a flippant way ignores the financial and emotional costs of adoption. Adoption doesn't take away the pain of being unable to have a biological child, so offering the option as a comfort doesn't usually go well.
"Trust me, you are lucky you don't have kids!"
We aren't clueless. We have all sat in a restaurant next to a loud, messy family, and we have endured long plane rides next to a screaming baby. We know that babies cry, puke, are loud and messy. We know our lives will change drastically when we have kids. Please don't downplay our struggles by making your blessing sound more like a curse.
Ok, now with all this being said....let me explain something further. I am not an emotional wreck and I don't want people to feel like walking on egg shells around me when the topic comes up. I love nothing more than to share our journey. (I mean I have a blog for pete's sake) I am always open to questions, comments, opinions and advice. I am simply trying to create a family and unfortunately it's not happening the way we thought it would. Please know that when you have good news of a pregnancy, a birth or even sweet stories about your little ones - I love hearing them.
I truly hope that I have shed some light on the struggles of infertility. And I welcome any and ALL comments, questions and advice.
Thank you for reading and supporting us through our journey.
